Today’s Dollar Daze is brought to you by the letters T, M, and I.
I saw this product at Dollar Tree, and was super anxious to give it a go.
That’s right. A menopause detection kit. In the same aisle as the pregnancy tests and ovulation predictors. For only $1, what could possibly go wrong?
I admit that being a Woman of a Certain Age, I am interested in knowing when I’ll start going through The Change. I’ll also admit that, unlike many of my peers, I’m actually anxiously awaiting the day the menopause fairy decides to pay me a visit. I’m done with child bearing, and my cycles tend to be on the painful side. I wouldn’t mind being through with that stage of my life. And truthfully, I thought I’d be almost done by now. All the women on my side were completely finished by the time they were 50, and since I am half the woman I used to be (after a partial oophorectomy several years ago) I have fewer eggs to deal with than they did. Shouldn’t I be suffering from night sweats and hot flashes and mood swings? Or at least more mood swings that I already have? Even if I did, who would know, amirite?
With confidence, I decided to give it a try. Because if I can’t trust Dollar Tree to tell me if I’m going through The Change, who can I trust?
Since I’ve already way overshared on this post, I’ll skip to the results. No sense in showing you the process. Even though I am an emotional exhibitionist, I really don’t feel like showing the world my hooha. I’ll leave that to Paris, Britney, and Anne.
I’m going to go ahead and give this a fail. I checked online to see if there was a genuine medical test I could take to compare results and see if it was accurate, and most of the articles indicated that while this test can adequately read FHT or whatever hormone levels, that isn’t in and of itself an indicator of menopause. And even if my levels were high enough to get a reading, that doesn’t mean that I’m necessarily running dry. So thanks for nothing, Dollar Tree. Your misleading promise of enlightening me is an epic fail. At least it was only a dollar. A dollar for science! And entertainment. If you’re into that kind of thing.
Next up: Dollar Tree tampons!
Just kidding. Can you imagine?