Today’s Dollar Daze is brought to you by the letters T, M, and I.
I saw this product at Dollar Tree, and was super anxious to give it a go.
“Over 99% Accurate!”
That’s right. A menopause detection kit. In the same aisle as the pregnancy tests and ovulation predictors. For only $1, what could possibly go wrong?
I admit that being a Woman of a Certain Age, I am interested in knowing when I’ll start going through The Change. I’ll also admit that, unlike many of my peers, I’m actually anxiously awaiting the day the menopause fairy decides to pay me a visit. I’m done with child bearing, and my cycles tend to be on the painful side. I wouldn’t mind being through with that stage of my life. And truthfully, I thought I’d be almost done by now. All the women on my side were completely finished by the time they were 50, and since I am half the woman I used to be (after a partial oophorectomy several years ago) I have fewer eggs to deal with than they did. Shouldn’t I be suffering from night sweats and hot flashes and mood swings? Or at least more mood swings that I already have? Even if I did, who would know, amirite?
Looks like your standard pee in a cup kinda test. Petey would be proud.
With confidence, I decided to give it a try. Because if I can’t trust Dollar Tree to tell me if I’m going through The Change, who can I trust?
So how exactly does this work? Thankfully, a helpful Q&A will tell me.
Helpful instructions on the back tell me how to read the results. So evidently I want to see two little red lines. Fingers crossed!
Since I’ve already way overshared on this post, I’ll skip to the results. No sense in showing you the process. Even though I am an emotional exhibitionist, I really don’t feel like showing the world my hooha. I’ll leave that to Paris, Britney, and Anne.
Dammit.
I’m going to go ahead and give this a fail. I checked online to see if there was a genuine medical test I could take to compare results and see if it was accurate, and most of the articles indicated that while this test can adequately read FHT or whatever hormone levels, that isn’t in and of itself an indicator of menopause. And even if my levels were high enough to get a reading, that doesn’t mean that I’m necessarily running dry. So thanks for nothing, Dollar Tree. Your misleading promise of enlightening me is an epic fail. At least it was only a dollar. A dollar for science! And entertainment. If you’re into that kind of thing.
Next up: Dollar Tree tampons!
Just kidding. Can you imagine?
Do we really need a test to tell us we’re in The Menopause? I thought that was what hot flashes, night sweats and horrendous mood swings were for.
However, I kind of want one of these because dollar store science is awesome
I guess I was hoping it would tell me when I can start expecting hot flashes and night sweats. I mean, any freaking day now, right?
Not the mood swings though. I’ve got those covered.
I got flak for dollar store pregnancy tests. I even went one better and bought bulk online fertility strips! Turns out I only needed one, lol.
It’s a good thing they still sell tampons and chocolate, too.
Amen, sister. Amen.
I didn’t even know you could buy fertility strips in bulk. But then again, I don’t have any use for them, so….
Hey, I’ve heard the dollar store pregnancy tests are the best ones out there. Not that I need them…
And dammit, I really wanted these to work. I figured by now I’d have some f’ing hot flashes or mood swings or something (well, besides sludge, since we’re oversharing, lol). I mean, my moods aren’t any more dramatic than they were 10 or 20 or even 30 years ago. Dammit. I want something to clue me in as to when I can expect the Mississippi to stop flowing every. damn. month.
Glory hallelujah, girl! Testify! I’m very impatiently waiting for the Menopause Fairy to pay me my visit. Let’s get this shit DONE!
I think instead of lines it should be flames for yes and like a pile of eggs (chicken eggs, so you know for sure what they are) for no. Line this and line that, do something interesting!
OMG! THAT IS FUCKING EPIC DUDE!
I sooooo want to make this a thing.