Yes! We’re back. Unfortunately, the latest trek to Dollar Tree didn’t produce any OMGWTFROTFLBBQ experimental items, so I decided to go with function over form. I decided to give these a try.
Andrea was super bummed about it. “But you can’t do your Dollar Daze on something boring! Especially for your comeback.”
“I can still make it entertaining.”
“Mom. You cannot make soap entertaining.”
First let me start by saying that soap is a huge issue in our house. I’m not a fan of using bar soap outside of the shower because it gets all soggy and melty and makes a big freaking mess all over the counter. And being the Laziest Person Alive®, you know I ain’t cleaning that shit up until it good and crusty and needs to be broken off with a chisel.
So liquid soap would seem to be a reasonable solution, right? WRONG! I mean, right in that it would be a good thing to try, but I have horrible allergies to a lot of scents. A fact that I am more than slightly pissed off about. I used to love places like Bath and Body Works, but somewhere along the line they started adding musk to, oh, EVERYTHING and now I can’t even be in their store for 20 minutes without getting either a snot faucet for a nose or a migraine that makes me want to crawl into one of their lovely scented cupboards and just wait for death. Also, I’m pretty sure they have a plot to kill all mankind.
Not even an exaggeration.
Anyway, I love the idea of liquid soap, but too often when I try to find something to put in my bathroom the scents are either gross (I’m looking at you, anti-bacterial Dial) or they give me flu-like symptoms and I want to rip my sinuses out.
It is with this knowledge that I attempted to try this loverly trio.
I would like to point out that the labels clearly look like knock-offs of other brands. Except the Klar and Danver. I have no idea what that one’s supposed to be imitating. But the Cinnamon Apple looks like and older style Bath and Body Works label
and the Liquid Hand Soap, which may I say is the most ingenious product name ever, is clearly a knock-off of the previously mentioned nasty smelling Dial.
So how did they rank? The one I was hoping would be awesome (Berry Delicious- my favorite for the punny name alone) smelled nice at first, but it had a weird floraly after effect that my nose was less than happy about. In the interest of not turning into a hacking snot machine, I think that will be placed in the downstairs bathroom.
The apple one was lovely, although it didn’t suds as well as expected. Truthfully, by the look of it I expected it to be one of those foaming hand soaps, but it was liquid like everything else. What can you expect for a dollar, amirite? But it didn’t have an aftersmell (as opposed to an aftertaste, which, sorry y’all, I am not about to experiment with) so I’ll happily use that one again. My favorite by far was the peach flavored Liquid Hand Soap. It lathered well and left a fresh fruity smell on my hands, but it wasn’t overbearing or gross smelling.
I don’t know how well they actually clean, but as far as smells go, I think we’ll be okay. And since they’re about $2-3 cheaper than the name brand stuff, I will happily purchase Liquid Hand Soap for my bathrooms. If for no other reason than I love the idea of a brand whose name is just Liquid Hand Soap.
So, Liquid Hand Soap gets and A, apple Bath and Body knockoff gets a B, and smelly berry flavor gets a C for being too frou frou. Because that’s the way Zilla rolls.
Since I’m not sure that I have adequately made this post exciting enough to make up for the boring functionality, I’ll leave you with a couple of soap jokes I found thanks to Google. Hopefully they make up for it.
A young boy goes to the dentist and the dentist says to him, “Your mouth is nice and clean.”
The lad replies, “It should be nice and clean, my fucking mother washes that shit out with fucking soap every damn day.”
I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.